Paperback ☆ Life Expectancy PDF/EPUB ↠

Life Expectancy This is my first Dean Koontz book I expected a horror story, but this book was actually quite funny I just grabbed it off the paperback section of the library to take to the beach, and I was pleasantly surprised Initially, I found the main character, Jimmy, a little like Ignatiuos Reilly from Confederacy of Dunces, but he actually had a great dealsense I think it wasin Koontz s writing style The characters were so likeable, that I wanted to be friends with them except for the This is my first Dean Koontz book I expected a horror story, but this book was actually quite funny I just grabbed it off the paperback section of the library to take to the beach, and I was pleasantly surprised Initially, I found the main character, Jimmy, a little like Ignatiuos Reilly from Confederacy of Dunces, but he actually had a great dealsense I think it wasin Koontz s writing style The characters were so likeable, that I wanted to be friends with them except for the clowns Yes, there were clowns, and while this was weird and bizarre, I somehow sort of got what Koontz was trying to do This book is eccentric because it combines the bizarro with the little sweet lessons about the good and honest things in life love, family, and faith I found myself rereading some of the poignant passages that Koontz would slip into this wacko story because they were so well written and so meaningful I doubt many people will feel the same way about this book as I did, but to anyone who reads it, I recommend that you lighten up and not take things too seriously when you read it There are unexpected surprises and alot of humor This is always a good mix LIFE EXPECTANCY Review I m about to spoil the hell out of this piece of garbage in the hopes that you run screaming from its pages as if the longevity of your genitals depended on it The Good This book is readable Meaning, you can read it Moving on The Bad The synopsis is terrific engaging, intriguing, enticing, everything a book description should be So why isn t this up there with The Good Because the synopsis fucking lies like a rug under a steam roller You see, Jimmy Tock s grandp LIFE EXPECTANCY Review I m about to spoil the hell out of this piece of garbage in the hopes that you run screaming from its pages as if the longevity of your genitals depended on it The Good This book is readable Meaning, you can read it Moving on The Bad The synopsis is terrific engaging, intriguing, enticing, everything a book description should be So why isn t this up there with The Good Because the synopsis fucking lies like a rug under a steam roller You see, Jimmy Tock s grandpappy predicted some shit on his deathbed Supposedly, his grandson is to have five terribly, horrible, no good, very bad days The thing is, Koontz spends the entire novel finding ways around these five days, in turn rendering the grandfather s predictions utterly useless Bad shit happens, mind you, just not on those days The worst stuff happens on the day before You might think that would make the book unpredictable, but after the first date, the book is as see through as the glass in a Windex factory What would have made this book epic is if Koontz had managed to actually achieve what the packaging promises, therein surprising us with unforeseeable twists which occur on the days Deathbed Granddaddy predicted But no Not Koontz He aims for the mundane and nails that motherfucker between the eyes The Ugly LIFE EXPECTANCY is filled with your average meandering Koontz verbose descriptions of everyday bullshit sprinkled with brief glimpses of interesting detritus buried under an insane knowledge of pastry and off the wall diseases he spends nine pages explaining The writing is so light and dense at the same time it might as well be a Cronut The words breeze by because Koontz has been doing this shit for nigh on four decades, but no matter how hard he tries, I will never, ever, evereverevereverever, enjoy a detailed examination of goddamn baked goods The Unforgivable Let me preface this bit by saying I ve never given a readable book less than two stars Why Because the author put enough words together properly so that I might be able to understand what they are saying I reserve one star ratings for unedited garbage written by illiterate monkeys with a penchant for banging on typewriters Well, Dean, you fucking did it, mister You managed to make me hate a well written book so much that I cannot in good faith give you anything over a single, solitary, emotionally crippled star This book lacks everything even remotely resembling character development I didn t give a shit about Jimmy, his wife What s Her Fuck, the three mostly forgotten about children one of which comes down with cancer in the later part of the book, to which I responded, Who are you, and who gives a fuck , the stupid clown family, the insane aerialists, or even the death of some innocent old lady, because they re all stick figures caricatures of another one of Koontz protagonists from a completely different book Yes, everyone in this novel is witty and sarcastic Basically, the cast is overrun with unlikable and forgettable Odd Thomases But wait, there sThe plot, for lack of a better word, becomes so convoluted in the last one hundred pages that I think my brain seeped from my ear to vacation in Aruba when Jimmy Tock the main character is revealed as the villain s fraternal twin brother But wait, there s evenWhen that ending didn t pack enough of a punch for Koontz s liking, we find out that Jimmy and the villain are really the product of an incestuous relationship between their biological grandfather father and his daughter their mother And if you place an order in the next thirty seconds, we ll throw in lotsFour chapters from the end, Jimmy s first person POV switches to the wife s first person POV so that Koontz can attempt to trick us into believing that Jimmy dies But Jimmy doesn t die What a hoot, huh A real rib tickler of a twist To quote the book Okay, we yanked your chain again, like we did back in chapter twenty four How much fun would it have been, there in the big top, if you d been absolutely certain that I had survived Are you joshing me Pulling E s leg, perhaps Legitimately, you re going to break the fourth wall to say that shit I should punch you in your cocksucker with a hot water bottle full of nitroglycerin It wasn t funny It sure as shit wasn t cute It was pretentious Pure, lazy ass, unoriginal, amateur bullshit You, your editor, your publisher, and anyone who recommends this book to a human being who isn t their most reviled enemy should have to read this book over and over and over again, forever and ever, amen In the dazzling new thriller from the master of dark suspense, the hand of fate reaches out to touch an ordinary man with greatness So long as he is ready So long as he is, above all, afraidJimmy Tock comes into the world on the very night his grandfather leaves it As a violent storm rages outside the hospital, Rudy Tock spends long hours walking the corridors between the expectant fathers waiting room and his dying father s bedside It s a strange vigil made all the stranger when, at the very height of the storm s fury, Josef Tock suddenly sits up in bed and speaks coherently for the first and last time since his strokeWhat he says before he dies is that there will be five dark days in the life of his grandson five dates whose terrible events Jimmy will have to prepare himself to face The first is to occur in his th year the second in his rd year the third in his th the fourth in his th the fifth in his thRudy is all too ready to discount his father s last words as a dying man s delusional rambling But then he discovers that Josef also predicted the moment of his grandson s birth to the minute, as well as his exact height, weight, and the fact that Jimmy would be born with syndactyly the unexplained anomaly of fused digits on his left foot Suddenly, the old man s predictions take on a chilling significanceWhat terrifying events await Jimmy on these five dark days What nightmares will he face What challenges must he survive As the novel unfolds, picking up Jimmy s story at each of these crisis points, the path he must follow will defy every expectation And with each crisis he faces, he will move closer to a fate he could never have imagined For who Jimmy Tock is and what he must accomplish on the five days his world turns is a mystery as dangerous as it is wondrous a struggle against an evil so dark and pervasive only the most extraordinary of human spirits can shine through I realize Koontz is absurdly prolific, but I really liked LIFE EXPECTANCY It was a fun premise with great characters I love the family that keeps baker s hours and I still remember that Jimmy Tock had a Dodge Daytona Turbo just like the one I bought in 1988 And, who could forget the evil Conrad Beezo This is a great read. I borrowed this book from a library It is my second time reading it Update 5 21 18I finished it I might do a review This is something very personal. Some lives, conducted with grace, are beautiful arcs bridging this world to eternity No one s life should be rooted in fear We are born for wonder, for joy, for hope, for love, to marvel at the mystery of existence, to be ravished by the beauty of the world, to seek truth and meaning, to acquire wisdom, and by our treatment of others to brighten the corner where we are No one can grant you happiness Happiness is a choice we all have the power to make Ever since first reading this book 20 Some lives, conducted with grace, are beautiful arcs bridging this world to eternity No one s life should be rooted in fear We are born for wonder, for joy, for hope, for love, to marvel at the mystery of existence, to be ravished by the beauty of the world, to seek truth and meaning, to acquire wisdom, and by our treatment of others to brighten the corner where we are No one can grant you happiness Happiness is a choice we all have the power to make Ever since first reading this book 2005, I have considered it my very favorite Dean Koontz novel After reading it for the fifth time, this masterpiece retains it s rank of my 1 favorite I will admit it has some fierce competition with By the Light of the Moon , Relentless and Cold Fire , but it stands as a shining star of my favorites for it s superb mix of simplicity, humor, suspense and twists It s lessons on life and family are wonderful the clowns and aerialists are entertaining and we mustn t forget Grandma Roweena my favorite character in the story PREPARE TO BE ENCHANTED This is what I wrote reading this book..This is the second time I am trying to read this book.I am a huge Koontz fan but this book really disappointed me.It is so far, not exiting or scary at all, because the main characters are not frightened.They are constantly making funny not remarks and it is just not realistic.You are a hostage and you are constantly cracking jokes No way.I have read 170 pages of the book and am really struggling again to read.And that is really an excep This is what I wrote reading this book..This is the second time I am trying to read this book.I am a huge Koontz fan but this book really disappointed me.It is so far, not exiting or scary at all, because the main characters are not frightened.They are constantly making funny not remarks and it is just not realistic.You are a hostage and you are constantly cracking jokes No way.I have read 170 pages of the book and am really struggling again to read.And that is really an exception cause I love all Koontz his books The humour is just way to much I don t buy a Koontz books to be laughing I don t laugh by the way, not my kind of humour anyways but I buy his books to be scared 4 out of 10 Never going to finish this one The very fact that I ve tried to do it for four years probably tells you that it drives me insane with how boring, dragging and not fun it is to read. Life Expectancy is a pretty fun read It was so different than most books I ve read in the genre, and was much different than I expected It flows so perfectly from the first person point of view, and the characters are unforgettable Plus, it has clowns It will make you laugh, it will make you cry, it will make you question all good looking men.


About the Author: Dean Koontz

Acknowledged as America s most popular suspense novelist Rolling Stone and as one of today s most celebrated and successful writers, Dean Ray Koontz has earned the devotion of millions of readers around the world and the praise of critics everywhere for tales of character, mystery, and adventure that strike to the core of what it means to be human.Dean, the author of many 1 New York Times bestsellers, lives in Southern California with his wife, Gerda, their golden retriever, Elsa, and the enduring spirit of their goldens, Trixie and Anna Facebook Facebook.com DeanKoontzOfficialTwitter DeanKoontzWebsite DeanKoontz.com


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